damn

I think I've made the worst mistake I could have ever made.

letting go

Why is it that I’m expected to be happy all the time?

Why am I never allowed to be visibly upset, ever? Why, when I’m upset, do my friends appear out of nowhere eager to try and cheer me up?

 Just let me have my fucking moment.

gpa

I'm proud to announce that my "general" GPA is 3.46 and my "English major" GPA is 3.9!

pride

there are some days where my arrogance gets to the best of me, when I show my friends a side of me that I'm not too proud of. I get douche-y, cocky, and stubborn. I get self-absorbed and won't shut the fuck up. I crack jokes that aren't funny to anyone else but myself. I harm precious friendships.

It's a side of me that only comes out when I'm energetic and prideful.
a most deadly combination.

pigeons

it's heartbreaking, watching a pigeon peck at a crushed cigarette.

ski boots

have you ever walked in ski boots?

that awkward ka-klunking, blocky walking. the flat surface at the front--and back--of the boot. the thickness, bulkiness, powerful tightness.

time

I've been in a strange funk lately, crying nearly every day. It's so sudden and unprovoked, and I don't think I've cried this hard since I was 13, when I convinced myself I would commit suicide before I turned 14. I think I honestly need time to myself to get all of it out. It seems that every time I have an emotional moment, my mother casually interrupts it and throws me off, putting me in a foul, angered mood. I'm sure I just need emotional privacy, but I know it won't pass.
I keep thinking about the situation I'm in with my father, and I feel like I'm stuck. I know what I have to do, but I'm not sure if I even want to.

I'm slowly losing friends each day.